I recently got a booklet of Safeway coupons on “earth-friendly products.” Conserving natural resources is “at the heart of” their business, it says. If I were a trusting sort, I would think this must obviously mean they don’t sell anything the production of which harms the planet. But alas, I would be disappointed. In the business world, conserving just means destroying not quite as wantonly as usual, and feeling deserving of congratulations for that restraint.

Safeway celebrates the fact that since 1990, more than 150 billion Pepsi containers have been recycled. “That’s a big number but we know it can be much bigger,” the booklet says. It’s big, all right — real big! 150 billion! With a “b”!

They generously offer $1 off of two twelve-packs, so we can recycle even more Pepsi cans. Don’t you feel all green and fuzzy now? Let’s get out there and buy plenty of Pepsi!